I just don't know what to say! You all are such wonderful people and I did pray today and to what or who or what universe I have no idea I just prayed and I cried a little. It felt good but still really nothing.
I need to trust, I need to not be lazy in finding a higher power, this is something that has always been important to me in my life (some kind of God) but now that I am sober and older I just can't imagine a God, one that I grew up learning about. It's wierd to me that we have to "learn" about a God by others teachings. To me you should just be able to feel that God or higher power in your heart and soul and just know that we aren't alone. I know we aren't alone I just can't seem to get to that place to trust again.
I know it will take time but you all have no idea how much you have helped me! You have got me thinking in so many ways I don't know which way my brain is going right now. But this is a good thing, this is what I wanted.
The Shack, that is so funny you brought that up because not too awful long ago my social worker teacher was speaking of this book and I was wanting to read it but I was too high to care about anything but getting high and making the dean's list. So, I am going to put that on my list of things to do. I think my higher power might have sent that message to me. That was too much of a coincedence!
I ordered some books online about working the steps, Meditation and something else, gosh I can't remember now. I love to read, I read the BB in one day and a half. I just couldn't put it down no matter how aggervated I got at times.
Thank you all again so much. You have no idea what this has done for me. I was worried about controversy and maybe head butting a little and I'm glad that didn't happen. You all flooded in almost all at once and it was wonderful. I think that too happened for a reason.