I know it was hard for me to find my spirituality when I first got into recovery. (I can only speak for myself I am not trying to tell you what you need to do, your relationship with your higher power is a very personal thing) I was also mad at God, in fact, I was burnt up!!! I wondered how he could have possibly abandoned me the way that he did. How could he have possibly let all those horrible things happen to me. I couldn't understand what I had done to deserve that! Then, after about 30 days(or so) , I had what I could only call a Spiritual Awakening, I realized that it was ME who turned my back on God. I ignored everything I had been taught about how to live right and how to treat people, and myself. When I finally realized that God had been waiting for me to come back to him, it was as if a burden had been lifted off of my shoulders and I felt like everything would be okay. It was the first time I felt that in many years. I have never been a church going person, and I am still not one today, I don't preach to people and I really don't like it when I am preached to by others. It was more of an inner peace that I still hold within my heart today. I realized that if I wasn't being looked after when I was out there, I would probably be dead....or worse, I may have killed an innocent person.
I suppose the point I am trying to make is this, when we are ready to let down the inner walls we took so long to build (to protect ourselves from being hurt) and we are willing to ask God back into our lives He will be there. It is not something you can rush, and there is no set time limit you need to worry about. When you are truly ready for God to come "home", you will realize he was there all along! It was a wonderful feeling for me, it was like my entire being and soul was wrapped in the best hug ever!
I hope you find what you are looking for....
Cathy