I'm not a perfect person and I've got more handfuls of issues to deal with than I have hands to hold on to all of them with. But I'm not a bad person either. I've made my share of mistakes, yes, but I've done more good with my life than bad. So the many, MANY times xabf would push me aside for "something" better it was devastating to me. I was becoming second best to people and things WAY WAY WAY worse than me!!!
It was here someone posted a commented about being rejected by the reject. And that really helped me see things differently. A close friend of mine said chances are he's just jealous of me and where I am in my life (much further at my age than he is at his and he's 8 years older than me). It's in his nature to make people feel bad because that's the only way he can make himself feel good. And I was no different.
Remember....the alcoholic always has to be the victim. Doesn't matter what price someone else pays as long as he or she can be convinced that the wrong was done to them.
I try to remember a stupid little incident with our neighbors a few months before I moved out of xabf's. My kids were outside playing with the neighbor kids and something happened where one of mine and one of hers ended up crying. The neighbor's kids mom came out of the house (had been drinking), stomping her feet like a child. Pointed her finger at my daughter and told her if she didn't get off the property she'd MAKE her get off and make sure she never ever came back. What happened was the kids fault, he pushed my daughter off the trampoline. The other kid was crying because he thought he was in trouble. But she had no idea what happened and just assumed her child could have done no wrong and therefore the fault laid with someone else. My daughter came home, confused as to why she got so upset when he's the one who pushed her. Anyway. xabf's sister was outside when it all happened and she stormed in the house telling me what this mother had said to my kid. And then got upset with ME when I said I wasn't going to stoop to her level and go out there and pick a fight back. What point does it serve? Okay, she wants to have a pitty party for lord knows what reason. Who cares. Her actions, imo, were childish and irresponsible. Why would I stoop to that level? The only reason people do it is out of anger. I have better things to do than be angry over a childish reaction. I just sighed and felt sorry for her. Sorry that she felt it necessary to talk to a 7 year old the way she did. It's a level I don't want to stoop to.
If I saw xabf acting the way yours is I'd probably feel just as upset as you are. But I can remind myself that I can have a good time without the meaningless activities or actions. Because I'm better than that. Because I deserve better for myself than what he's doing for himself. Because I know if he did get involved with one of the girls he was partying with it's only a matter of time before she learns the same things I learned. I might be hurt for a little while. But in time I'll see that he doesn't have anything that I want. I don't want to act like an irresponsible child.