Bubba, your posts have really rung some bells with me. I've basically been on my own for all of my adult life and I used alcohol (beer in my case) as my constant companion. It made me feel less lonely and quite frankly, it made me feel REAL GOOD. But, it also knocked me on my ass like nothing else. Just about 4 months ago I found myself in the hospital with an I-V stuck in my arm and a doctor telling me what I never wanted to admit to myself...that I was an alcoholic and needed to stop NOW. Talk about surreal! I've never felt as lonely and out of control as I did on that fateful day. I'll never forget how it felt thinking that I could never again turn to my friend, beer, to help me get through life. And I'll admit those first few weeks were TOUGH...the toughest thing I've ever had to do. But, here I am, nearly 4 months later and I've never felt better in my entire life! I'm no longer going through life just waiting for that next beer. Now I enjoy each and every sober day, my only regret that I didn't realize all of this sooner. I can't count the number of times I decided to quit, only to fall back harder and faster than before. This time feels different, this time I feel free for the first time in nearly 30 years.
I only hope that it doesn't take you as many years as it did for me to realize that alcohol is all a lie...a thief that takes and takes until you wake up one day and realize there's nothing left for it to take, except your sanity and possibly even your life itself.