thank you all for the posts. why do i feel like i did the wrong thing. i know in my heart i did the right thing. i feel like i want to call him but i'm not going to do that. i'm wondering if he went to work. i'm looking around the house and see him everywhere and things that need to be done with the house. is this the grieving part? I'm going to keep myself busy today by cleaning and maybe taking my son to do something fun. i'm so so sad! i'm afraid of i'm not going to be able to do this by myself. even though he is a alki he has done things around the house that need fixing. i guess i'll have to learn that stuff. i promise today not to be a lump on the couch and to do things around here that I haven't done in awhile. I need to keep busy. i realize i'm as sick as he is because i put up with it for so long i don't know what normalcy is. that's pretty sad. i see my psychologist next friday so i'm looking forward to that. i do have my friends. i'm actually very confused at the moment. i know what happened had to happen. we couldn't live in the choas anymore but why do i still feel like he should be here? Is it my sickness too?