AH left tonight
My AH has been sober from january to august. he started drinking on august 2. he doesn't drink everynight that i know of but he comes home trashed and yells, name calling. you know the drill. recently he was physical with my son and called "you mother f....." about 20 times. my son told him to sober up. later that night when he was still trashed he goes over and apologizes crying, etc. made me kind of sick. my son told me he wanted him to leave unless he sobers up. my son and daughter are 14
he really doesn't talk with my daughter much. she's just wants to punch him.
they both can't stand when he drinks and yells and yells in the kitchen with noone in there.
of course he blames me for it all.
i recently found out my son was smoking pot and my son told me that he did it to escape his father. i was shocked beyond belief.
i am very open with my kids and my psychologist agrees that being open is the best thing.
my AH and my son talked sat night and my ah told my son that he was going to quit drinking after sunday. he drank sunday came home trashed, etc. monday he went to watch football at someone's house. didn't drink which i tought was good. tuesday he was home and was good. wed in the morning i told him it was either stop drinking and stay home or drink and leave. he ended up drinking last night and told me he only came home because he had no where else to stay. i told him he made his choice. this morning while i was at work he called me and told me we were finished, it was all my fault and it had nothing to do with drinking.
he called early this afternoon and asked if he could stay here the night because he had no where else to go and i said no. he came to get his clothes and i asked if we could sit and talk and he said no. he continued to say i was the reason he drank for 20 years and that i was a bitch, nag, etc. c-word. he told me i was vindictive and anything else you can think of. he told me i turned the kids on him, but the kids have ears and eyes and can see what's going on.
when we were in the kitchen he was telling me to tell the kids things about me which i didn't know what he meant. i think he wanted me to tell the kids i was a nag, etc. my son, which i'm proud of, spoke up and told him to shut the hell up and leave. my ah came over to my son and said he had to leave cuz he couldn't live with me. never hugged him, said i'm sorry. none of those things. my ah didn't even look for his daughter to say good by. he's angry at me but why not explain to the kids or at least give them a hug.
i hope i'm making sense because i'm just typing from the scrambled thoughts in my head. i want to know if i'm right in telling him no, he can't stay here overnight cuz he has no where else to go. is it normal for alkis to blame everything on every body else and not take even a little blame on themselves.
what is my next step? this has been coming on slowly but today was totally not expected. maybe i would have done it next week who knows.
now that he is gone, i really don't want to admit it, but i feel a little relief. a little calmness. i know sleep will be hard to come by but i'm calling into work sick tomorrow so i'm not to worried about that. i would like to keep busy but the thought of folding laundry or washing the floor doesn't appeal to me at the moment. tomorrow is another day.
what do i do with all the things that he has here. like his clothes in the closet and stuff everywhere? do i pack it up and tell him to get it? pack it up and put it in the basement?
please if anyone can help with advice and validate my feelings would be much appreciated. anymore information i'll be on for awhile so i can answer and reply to posts.
thank you