Mandjas

Ok I have tried to consider the little I have learnt so far, not to attack her or blame her, be honest, respectful but firm.

I am going to post this as a letter (rather than an email that she can jump straight onto and abuse me) and also send a copy to my dad, so he can see what is expected from him also (as I doubt my mother will show it to him).

I am prepared that even though this is rational and objective, she will see it as an attack and may well attack back. But at least I can start to recognise that for what it is!



Dear Mom


I wanted to take the time to write to you and be honest about my thoughts and feelings. I have taken a step back to have time to evaluate the situation and think about what is the best plan of action for my family.

You may think that I am punishing you or that I hate you but the plain truth is I love you and sincerely care about your mental, emotional and physical health. One thing I have come to realise is that I cannot control you or your actions and that I cannot force you to do anything you don’t want to do. In fact I am probably not aiding your recovery by forcing my opinions and beliefs about how to get well and sober.

I am not blaming you for anything, as I know you have a terrible disease and to see you battle your illness is very upsetting and sad for the people around you, especially knowing that are powerless to help.

I know you love Sammy as much as I do and I know that you would want more than anything for him to be happy and safe at all times – as both Jason and I do. We don’t want to have to worry anymore about whether you have been drinking or not, whether you and dad will fight over drinking in front of him or not. Sammy picks up on everything at the moment and is sensitive to what is going on. He told me 3 times on Sunday afternoon that you were shouting at each other and he had to tell you off twice. It is making me ill with worry and I have to consider my health and my family’s health and happiness over everything else.

I can guarantee you that you will always have a warm welcome in my life when you are well and sober but it is too upsetting to continue to see what you are doing to yourself and your relationships with your family.

As a result while you are drinking, we choose to remove ourselves from the situation. We would rather have Sammy missing you than put at risk or upset in anyway. And I would rather be ‘detached’ than worry about the situation to the detriment of my own health and happiness.

I will have to rely on yours and dads honesty to let us know when you are ready to spend time with us again but I do hope that will be soon.


Amanda