Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. I do hope you keep the courage to stand by your convictions and the guilt eases over time. It must be incredibly hard for you with such a young baby and I admire you.
I must admit that I am currently obsessing about the situation I find myself in. I go to bed thinking about it, I can't concentrate at work, I wake up thinking about it, I even feel like hitting the bottle myself when I get home from work!! If I didn't have these encouraging notes and thoughts I think I would have:
a) Told my mom to go take a running jump
b) Once again brushed it under the carpet never to spoken about again
c) Let her continue to see my son and worry about what mood she is in
There is not doubt on this earth that she utterly adores her only grandchild, her entire house is full of photo's, she constantly talks about him, she watches DVD's of when he was a baby all the time. She buys him presents and constantly looks for things he will like, she absolutely spoils him rotten! AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES THIS SITUATION SO HARD
Having read some heart felt stories on here, I also find myself doubting whether it's that bad? She doesn't go missing, or stay out, or throw up, or pass out, or become abusive towards me or my family, or steal from me. She's just not quite right? Either manic or over emotional, or moody but these aren't extreme. Is this because I was on the merry-go-round with her when I lived there, so some of it seems to resemble some form of normality?
But then I just take a look at my first post and take inventory of all of the things that have happened and although not extreme (apart from the Drink Driving) it has probably caused as much damage. The lack of trust, the constant lies, the walking around on egg shells, the guessing game, giving her a kiss to see if I can smell anything her, the wondering what state she will be in when I am about to meet her, the worry that she may say or do something after alcohol has clouded her judgement?
I now have had the courage to enforce two weeks of no contact but my difficulty is that I haven't spoken to my mother about this. All of the conversation has happened with my father, as I can have a rational, non-confrontational discussion with him. So god knows what she thinks about the situation, she probably thinks I hate her and am punishing her for her behaviour. I still need to have that conversation with her and I understand your comment.
"To be honest, you can try to set a boundary here and say it as politely as possible and even put a pretty pink bow around it and the truth of the matter is they still will think you are trying to hurt them. It doesn't matter how nicely we try to break the news. The truth is, they are suffereing the consequences of their behavior."
I want to be clear about my boundaries but am worrying obsessivley how I have that conversation?
From some of the al-anon literature it seems that my behaviour and reactions won't aid her recovery, so I am confused?
I intend on working on changing my attitude towards her as I know it's not healthy to react the way that I do and I hope that Al-anon can help me with that but for now I can't see the best way to appraoch it
Take care of yourself
Mandjas