Originally Posted by
TheLadyb 
I keep thinking that I can control my drinking and of course, I can not.
Of course you can not. Not if you're alcoholic. That's the easy part to see. What helped me was realizing that not only could I not control my drinking, but that I could not control my
not drinking.
That's where the true powerlessness lies. I couldn't control not picking up that first drink. I couldn't control that mental twist of thinking that somehow this time would be different.
Yes, you have to do what you think is right. Absolutely. But maybe you could also be open to what others that have recovered think about the topic.
I would take a real close look at pages 23&24 in AA's Big Book. Also pages 37&38. Are you willing to click this link?
BIG BOOK-CHAPTER TWO P23.ASP