How do we approach alcoholic mother?? Please help!
This is going to be long...
My mother has always been an alcoholic. My father divorced her because of her drinking about 15 years ago and my mother has been single since. She has been able to hide it from everyone outside of our immediate family. I am 32 and I always remember my mother with a beer in her hand. My mother has excelled in her career and nobody around her would suspect that she has a drinking problem. It's like this big secret we have always protected.
We are a very close family and spend most weekends at my mother's vacation home. My mother was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. She went through chemotherapy and radiation. She didn't work during that time and she basically spent it either going to chemo/radiation or drinking. Her drinking has spiraled out of control and she has "graduated" to wine now.
My sisters and I are now scared for her and others. She has absolutely no issue with getting in a car and driving while drunk and we know that it's only a matter of time until something really bad happens. She was giving my 6 month old a bath and left him alone in the bathtub for 5 minutes to get a refill on her wine.
Before my father left my mother, he had a family meeting (surprise to us!) and told my mother that we all hated her drinking. She attacked all of us and it was a terrible experience. I was 15, and my sisters were 13 and 11. We are now 32, 30 and 28. We have never discussed her drinking with her since that time and frankly we're all terrified of destroying our relationship with her if we mention it.
We know that this behavior cannot continue, but we don't know how to go about approaching her. I tried to mention it to her last weekend, without coming right out and saying that she had a drinking problem, but she blamed all of her behaviors on the hormone therapy she is now on. She is in total denial and doesn't understand why I won't let her babysit my 3 and 1 year old. This has got to end before she kills herself or someone else!
Any advice, support, or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.