Yes FS, I still feel that way, though not as much as I used to. I think it really is a process. Most of us can't just say, "I'm putting this all behind me" and move on. Some can, but I think it takes time for most of us. I've got about 5 months clean right now, and I still have those times, especiallly at night, where I think about all of the bad times. Oftentimes I can't even remember the good ones, though I know there have to have been some.
I have the same feelings about my ex as you mentioned. We still have a decent relationship, all things considered, but I still have a hard time forgiving myself. In truth, I think she has forgiven me more than I have forgiven myself. It's not as bad as it used to be. I used to spend hours every night whipping myself for all of the things I've done. Now it only comes up occassionally, hopefully someday it will rarely if ever come up.
All I can do is keep doing what I am doing. I can't change the past, no matter how much I want to. I can, however, impact the future. I don't have to repeat those mistakes again and again. While that won't change what has happened, I have to believe that it has to at least have some positive impact on those I have harmed. At least those who still care about me. As for the relationships I've destroyed, there really is nothing I can do about those.
Dee said something I have said for years, but seem to have a hard time putting into actual practice. "Guilt is a useless emotion". I used to say that when I was completely numb and couldn't feel anything anyway. It is harder to accept now that I "feel" my emotions. All we can do is keep plugging away. Head down, feet moving. Take care.