One thing that helps me
Mandjas, is when I realize I need to work on anything like
detachment, I have to
break it all down so that I can look for the "
Why am I doing this?" in my thoughts and my behavior. Because so much of how we think and what we do is
AUTOMATIC. Sometimes we have to go back DECADES to determine why we feel the way we feel, think the way we think, and behave the way we behave. Of course, this is only how I do it; I'm not sure how everyone else does it.
At first, before I can even start this, I have to allow myself to STOP and NOT
REACT. At first doing this took what felt like years to teach myself. Then, I was able to become AWARE of what I was doing in the first place. You develop
conscious awareness of yourself over time. There are many ways to develop conscious awareness. Once I had been able to become aware of what I was doing and how I was thinking, I could ask myself in earnest why I was behaving the way I was with the alcoholic or addicted person.
So, for example, in response to YOUR behavior:
I keep reaching out to include her in my life
Your Mother:
got into the car smelling of alcohol and acting a little hyperactive
And here was your reaction:
I thought to myself why do I even bother.
Until you become aware of what is going on and decide to change YOURSELF, you will continue to react in a manner that is unhealthy to YOU.
TRUTH: Thoughts like these are negative and unhealthy, negativity breeds stress, and stress degrades the human body and kills.
So, now what you can do is, search for the WHY you think things like, "Why do I even bother?" Search for your inner
feelings,
desires,
motivations,
experiences, etc that create this negativity in your brain.
It sounds cumbersome, I know, but once you practice it a couple times, it gets easier and much less cumbersome.
Of course, other folks I'm sure have other ways of doing this that are much better than my way described above. Sorry to say I have certain limitations that CAUSE me to have to break EVERYTHING down in life this way. Sometimes it is to my detriment, like in personal relationships, but in other ways it provides valuable benefit, like in my career.
Best wishes with your situation and I am VERY glad you are going to give Al-Anon a try. It is a valuable social support mechanism that will provide noticeable results.
Take care of yourself! You are a unique and loving individual, I can tell!
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