Dallas as you grow and change in recovery certain things will start to happen. You will learn to forgive yourself, and at the proper time you will make the amends that need to be made.
For right now what you do need to understand is that King Alcohol was first your friend and then became your MASTER. You were the slave, therefore literally had to do what the 'master' wanted.
How much was in my glass? How much was left in the bottle? Where and when and how was I going to get more? My WHOLE life revolved around ALCOHOL at the end, as did yours.
Time, my friend, time. Meetings would be a great place for you to be, when not in class or doing homework, get thy butt to MEETINGS. It is there you will learn how others have gotten through (notice I did not say past, but through ...... we walk through these things now, not past them or away from them) these days of early recovery.
J M H O
Love and hugs,