Hi Mandjas
Glad you found SR - this place has been so helpful in helping me sort out my own head in regards to my alcoholic family of origin. Have a good read around, there's lots of useful stuff on this site.
You will hear a lot about the 3Cs:
You didn't cause the alcoholism
You can't control the alcoholism
You can't cure the alcoholism - only the addict can do that.
Originally Posted by
Mandjas 
so are they as bad as each other for manifesting this bizarre reality?
Yes - a very wise man on this forum once told me that an addict will always find their enabler. My codependent mother never left my alcoholic father - she adjusted and endured continually, always believing that life would be wonderful when my father gave up drinking. What a waste of a life.
Originally Posted by
Mandjas I feel so harsh for not letting them see him because on the whole they are great grandparents and he adores them but what options do I have left? I just can’t talk to my mother anymore because she just lies, it generally ends up in an argument and she refuses to get professional help. Am I doing the right thing?
Yes - you are not being harsh, you are doing what any good mother would do and are protecting your son. Take the emotion out the equation - think responsibility and common sense. Don't leave your son alone with your parents and certainly don't let him alone in the car with your parents.
You'll see I said parents - I did this on purpose. If you think of them as a sick partnership that may help you. What you don't want is for them to be caught up in their alcoholic chaos when your son is in the room / car because their attention and focus will be on each other, not your son. That is not a safe environment for a child.
The sad fact is that alcoholism tends to get worse before it gets better and it does sound like your mother and father haven't reached their bottom yet.
Originally Posted by
Mandjas Or am I giving her the reason of a lifetime to turn to the bottle hard?
Take yourself out of the equation. You are not responsible for your mother's behaviour. She is an independent adult who makes her own choices in life. Read the 3Cs. Your job is to let her go and to concentrate on yourself, your child and your hubby.
Good luck. Come back often and let us know how you are getting on,
IWTHxxx