Originally Posted by
Puggrinz 
I then went on to an Al Anon meeting.
I was at church.
I have been going to Al-anon, reading, reaching out in volunteer work once a week. I feel like I am really beginning to live.
Pugg! A big warm hug to you! I was struck by how many wonderful and positive things you have been doing and so I have pulled them out of what you have written to remind you of your progress and that you are not back at step one.
I too do not want a divorce and yet the life my AH has choosen interferes with my personal boundaries and I left to take care of myself. It continues to be a long road .. I am still wishing he would call me and say he was sorry for all the pain he caused in my life. But the reality is - because of his addiction - he does not remember all the pain he has caused. And I don't need him to remember it - it is his issue, not mine. My pain is my pain. And I need to own it, process it and be kind to myself and care for myself so I can get beyond that pain. I have found on my journey that there were reasons I wanted to talk to him that had more to do with my own lack of self-esteem. I found a guy who would treat me like crap and I went back for more. Because I believed I deserved that. Your answers may be different as you work your recovery, but know that you are not a moron. You are a wonderful beautiful person and you have the right to live your wonderful life.
I agree with the above. Find out your rights on the property and stop taking care of his crap. You don't need to anymore. It is not your job. Your life is your job... don't get stuck on the "whys". Live today and decide what choice you want to make right now about caring yourself. Just for today...yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not yet here.