Iwanttoheal

Thanks for all your posts guys - they mean a lot.

That confrontation (although not pleasant) seems to have laid a lot to rest. That feeling of "unfinished business" has completely disappeared. Finding the courage to stand up for myself, challenge the bs, assign responsibility and know that I did so calmly and honestly has done wonders for my self-esteem. I feel like a kid who has taken on the school bully.

I have woken up the past three mornings feeling free and light.



I wouldn't have that confrontation until it feels "right". Somehow, I just knew I was okay, I was ready - not in an angry, defensive way but in a calm, confident way.

I think it was GingerM who posted about confrontation in a sticky at the top of this forum. She said to observe because you can't observe and experience at the same time (psychological phenomenon). She was right, it worked for me - when you are concentrating on someone's body language, tone of voice, facial expressions you really do get amazing clarity - you clearly see the hooks that cause you to respond and you defend against them accordingly.

The main thing that helped for me was to go into the confrontation with no hope and no expectations and be at peace with that. At some point, over the last six weeks I have let go my need of having a mother who would put me first, give me a cuddle and say I love you, you're doing brilliantly, everything is going to be fine. Not having those needs and expectations allowed me to not engage.

It feels good, it feels as if I am finally moving forward, IWTHxxx

PS Our sailing day was cold, wet and windy but great fun, we're going again in a couple of weeks.