Advice from a fellow newb....
I can really identify with your predicament. I have been drinking and drugging for 20 years and I am only 36! I have a good life, beautiful wife and kids, great job bla, bla, bla. So, if life was so good why was I always trying to get out of it? I believe the answer is because we are sick. Alcoholism is a disease that will get progressively worse the longer it is left untreated. And even if you are sober for any duration (well done on 60 days by the way!), the disease is in the corner doing push-ups. Waiting.
I am 3 days sober and drug free, today. For me, I need meetings, meetings, meetings. 90 meetings in 90 days. One of the old timers told me on my first meeting "Don't worry about The Steps, don't worry if you don't understand anything, just get your arse on a seat and take your medicine through your ears!". The Steps and a greater understanding will come in time, but for now focus on One Day At A Time and get to as many meetings as you can. I am no authority on recovery, and have stumbled many times despite my good intentions, but I believe in AA - it works if you work it.
We are not slaves. We are not weak. We are not pathetic.
We are sick.