Welcome Normie Joe
The fact is - none of us know whether you're an addict in recovery or just a young kid who went off the rails and who grew up.
You're gonna do what you want to and you'll deal with the consequences.
I don't know why after 5 years you still think the best way to relax is a cold beer, or that the odd joint is fine for chilling out.
Are you sure it's not stress you should be focusing on here?
I drank enough booze and smoked enough weed to know where I'd end up - and I've just realised I'm actually grateful for that.
Whatever you decide I hope you'll make the right decision
Good luck
D