Playing The Game?...
Hi, I am 90 days sober tomorrow.
I have just got back from work and a 'drink' with my new "team" at the local pub. I went to this as it was straight after work so I didn't want to appear antisocial. Ain't got nothing in common with these people TBH.
Whether it was because subconsciously I was in a pub that has made me feel a little "strange" about things.
By that I mean I have to fight the feeling that in some way I am "selling out" and "playing the Game" and there is that part of me that is rebellious and doesn't quite like the feeling of being so "straight-laced" and "Normal". I guess it might be the alcoholic in me trying to "talk me around". But I in noway am tempted to drink and 90 days is a great achievement. I do not intend to drink, I just want to make that clear!!
It's just I find I have little in common with most people, certainly in a work context and most people are just so straight-laced and naive man! I always liked the company of the so-called riff raff although when the booze was wearing off I didn't but at the time I liked the madness and craziness and lack of Bullsh*t that I used to have. I guess I was just questioning whether I have sold out in playing the system and I guess theres just that crazy part of me which likes to say F*ck it and likes the rebelliousness and "freedom?" of just getting mashed as it's sort of anti-establishment even though once I am coming down/on it I hate myself and everything about me. I guess I just miss some of the feeling of craziness and madness that I used to feel even if I was just alone drinking and listening to music it felt like I was in some how not playing the system if that makes sense?
Anyway enough of that.
Peace and Love.