Hmmm. It was easy for me to see that once I had that first drink, all bets were off. I had thousands of examples of not knowing where that drunk would end. I had a handful of examples where I kept it under control. That idea of an abnormal reaction to the ingestion of alcohol made a lot of sense to me.
It took me some time and study to understand the powerless over the first drink part of it.
I look at Bill's story, Jim's and Fred's stories, the jaywalker, pages 23&24, most of Chapter 3, and most importantly, my own experience.
I looked at my own trivial excuses for picking up that first drink and saw if they made any sense in light of the almost certain consequences. Was my being bored, or angry, or happy, or anything else really a good enough to pick up a drink, knowing where it would lead me? That's when I started to wonder if maybe there wasn't something else going on. Maybe I had a mental obsession. Maybe I was powerless over that first drink.
If I'm not powerless over the first drink, my solution is simple. I don't drink. Then, there is no physical craving, no allergy, no bad consequences. Problem solved. Bill tried this numerous times. He was convinced that he could not safely drink. He knew he had to stay away from that first drink. But he could not.
That's me. I'm a jaywalker. Why in the f*ck would I do that? Why would I pick up that first drink?
Because I'm powerless over it. Lack of power is my dilemma. I had to find a power, and it had to be a power greater than myself. Where and how was I to find this power?
Well, that's exactly what this book is about. It's main object is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
Sorry for the paraphrasing. It's so clearly spelled out in the Big Book. It doesn't matter whether I'm comfortable or accepting of the idea or not. All that matters is the truth of it for me. I'm powerless over the first drink, even when I'm long separated from alcohol. This is exactly the 1st Step question.