I could have written that myself allstar87. Certainly that's how I was a couple of years ago. I too was a binge drinker as are many people in the UK, only I could always drink way more than most others and I too would be seen with many drinks in my hand and that feeling of depression and narkiness when the bar closed and we had to go, I never wanted it to end. I usually had some cans back at home to "look forward to" when walking home and I would usually never remember drinking them but would just see the empty cans next to my bed when I woke up the next morning.
I too used to blame the "binge drinking culture" of the UK but then i stopped blaming anything or anyone else and realised that I was very different to others when it came to drink. I would take drink over anything or anyone. I too never craved a drink untill I took the first one but I would fantasise/look forward to my next "session". I only ever drank to get drunk and I couldn't see the point in merely having a few; whats the point of that?
Like I say drinking will take over your mind. I never became physically dependant on booze but I could see how I would have progressed to that level. I was only drinking alone towards the last few years as it was just easier as I never had to worry about what I may say/do around bouncers/police etc. I would just rather get wasted on my own so I didn't have to worry about anybody else but myself.
I had many stints at sobriety only to not be able to see how I wasn't gonna be able to have my "sessions" to look forward to. I finally hit my rock bottom and hit my "moment of clarity" where I knew I had to finally surrender or face a life of prison, institutions or death. I am glad I don't have to worry about the craziness of what I may do during balckouts anymore and sobriety is hard work but it is undoubtably worth it in the long run. You will never find true happiness in the bottom of a can of lager, I tried it many times and "had it" only for it to fade away to be chased hopelessly and selfishly.
I am gratefull to be sober and as long as it stays that way then i am doing allright.
One piece of advice goes "those that think that they have a problem usually do" Just something to bear in mind. Like I said before if you are alcoholic then it will only get worse and never better.
Maybe try checking out some AA meetings. It was a real sign to me that I was taking my sobriety serious when I put my backside on that chair for the first time and realised I was very similar to many of the people sitting in the AA meetings. You sound similar too from what you've written but like I say only you can decide if you're an alcoholic or not. I used to refer to myself as anything but an alcoholic but it was liberating TBH once I finally and truly admitted what I was...
peace and Love