I'm glad you realize you're being hard on yourself. You gave these people power in your life, particularly your parents, because they were all-powerful. You were a child or a young adult. We look to our parents to provide guidance, care, etc. Some parents, like ours, either don't give it at all or give an extremely warped version of it. But that's all we know. And we still, especially as children, want to believe that we really are loved and cared for, so we grasp at straws to find any evidence of that.
It's only natural that this would carry over into your adult life, particularly while your "goggles" are still on and you are in denial and wanting to believe that your family is OK. It's only when you realize they are NOT ok that you start wondering why you've given them so much power in your life. You did it because they're your family, and because you love them. NO ONE can fault you for that, so don't fault yourself.