Hi Mermaid,
I know what you are feeling right now. Ive been there...
After 14 1/2 yrs of marriage to a drunk, I felt the effects of another mans interest in me and responded. It was via the computer, but none the less, it was wrong. There were what-ifs between us and then my husband quit drinking. I continued the flirting and after a year, my RAH found out, and it ended. He never did and still hasnt been the person he needs to be. He kinda understands the reasons but still it hurts him to the core that I could do that. I NEVER even looked at a man prior to that, 100% faithful. Could he say that? No, hes a flirt, but also never emotionally cheated in the way I did.
Its been a yr and a half since it ended and he is still picking off the scabs... Still brings it up, even in front of the kids. I have forgiven him for all the years I suffered at the hands of his disease, but one wrong doing on my part cant be put behind us. He keeps saying, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Have you tried counseling? We have, but it didnt seem to sink in and I was harrassed after every session, so we quit. Maybe it will work for you!! Good luck!