Lavash there can be hope. Change comes from their ability to make change not your ability to force change on them.
My AW and I are taking a 6 month break in our relationship. She is out of inpatient and seems to have the clarity and focus to be healed. I told her we need time apart to heal ourselves first. After we heal as individuals we can address our relationship.
When I found out about her affair in April we tried to fix the relationship before fixing ourselves. That was our problem. Now we have a better focus. I told her there are no promises. She has destroyed my trust in her and if there is to be hope it starts with her. We may be good in time, we may not. For right now I am working on me and my being healthy and happy. It may mean she is in my life down the road, it may not.