Same story different characters all across this board.
My AW is a functioning A too. 6 years of dealing with it. Found out she had an affair with my best friend for six months. I had the fear too, what would I do without her? She makes about twice what I do. The same fears most of us have. I am 40+. Can I deal with being single after 16 years of marriage? What about the kids? Where will I live?
We tried to fix the marriage without fixing ourselves. Things were great for a while but then the lies and the drinking started again. She got a DUI and life sprialed down. A few emergency stays in the hospital. Arrested for public intoxication. Then on Labor Day she tried to kill herself.
She just got out of inpatient rehab and seems to be doing better now. More focused on healing. We are doing a 6 month separation and I told her no promises. She has hurt me enough in the past. We need to heal as individuals before the marriage can be addressed.
Tell him he needs to be whole before you will even talk to him. You are whole. You are at peace. Why in the world would you want that trainwreck in your life when things are good for you. Make him do the work. You are in a good place and deserve to be there.
Thanks for the words. I think too many of us fear the unknown. Having those who have walked the path we see before us show us that it can be walked and there is light at the end helps us all.