Hi MQ,
I'm glad to see you back and thank you for the update on your life. I was wondering how things were working out for you. You do sound more grounded and determined to keep your own recovery as your priority. Good on you and congratulations! You are worth it!
This sentence from your post says it all:
As an AA buddy of mine said, it's like my HP said to me, "Do I need to draw you a picture? Because here it is..."
Your STBAXH needs the same thing right now:
1) HP
2) AA buddy
3) To see the big picture
You are not powerful enough to supply those to him. Just as you have AA buddies and sponsor's, he needs to find his own buddies and sponsor. Preferably males.
He needs to find his HP. Yours is looking pretty amazing and he wants what you have. Yet, he has to want to do the work to get to where you are. Tapping into your spirituality and 'borrowing' your energy will give him a temporary fix but it will leave you both empty. You can be a light in the darkness showing the way, but you can't be a conductor for his energy, right?
Now for the tuff talk. You said:
sad for him to feel that no one cares if he lives or dies. I'm afraid he'll choose death before he'll reach out for the help that might save him.
Did your choices get him to this point in his life? Did you force alcohol down his throat? No? Then you can not save him from his choices. You are not his messiah.
"We are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable"
Please be sure to continue your recovery and help your dd to understand that you did not cause his addiction, you can not control his addiction and you will not be able to cure his addiction.
Get counseling if needed. Your greatest fear is that he will loose the battle with his addiction and die alone from his addiction. We need to walk through our fear and stop trying to avoid our fear. Your fear is not something you have the power to change, therefore, you need to find the way to face it and travel through. You will find lots of support here from friends that have lost loved ones to their addiction. It is painful. You are not alone if this happens.
Peace and hugs to you and dd.