Ago, what a wonderful way of explaining the same results from both groups, and yes I reckon you are spot on.
I know that I could spot what my ABF needed to be a "perfect" person, but missed where I was flawed in my thoughts, beliefs and actions.
I had to go thru the trial and error system, lots of pain and finally learned here that I was trying to control the uncontrolable.
Had I been in the hairdressers back then, had you popped in with your questions I probably would have heaved a hair dryer at you, then joined in the chorus of women yelling "leave" at you.
Thank you for this little gem.
God bless