Originally Posted by
Lotus2009 
Thanks for your concern!
I'm trying to go one day at a time... trying not to expect too much and hoping for the best. But I do have a plan, if he does get drunk and abusive again - I will leave!!
Ago - Thx for pointing that out. I know, got the books, have been to some AlAnon meetings and been reading and posting in the family section. Even though I'm kinda obsessing over his behavior right now, I am trying to work on myself. I guess I just needed some feedback from people that can understand what he's going through.
I only say this because I have so much experience with this, and so much suffering around this, but I have to remember that boundaries are there to protect me, not for behavior modification, I find myself standing in front of people saying the same thing over and over and over, thinking I am setting a boundary but what I am really trying to do is "modify" or "control" the other persons behavior.
This has brought me no end of suffering, because I keep thinking I am setting a boundary.
Let me put it this way, it was more difficult for me to deal with my codependency then it was for me to get sober, alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful, but codependency is tricky as hell, because it's someone else's behavior that apparently needs modifying, you know? I understand what you are going through, and it's serious and difficult.
The three C's are you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it
Here is a great thread about Boundaries, I particularly reread Anvilheads response frequently
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html