hey Cath, how are you?
hope you are doing better today. I too have suffered from horrible depressions in the past and know the fear of slipping back there. I often find though that the demons that held me in a grip of a dark, swirling, fear are far less scary once I've had some sleep. I am lousy when I'm tired.
No money until October the 11th: 19 days, less than 3 weeks.
You get to decide how to spend that time. This is in your control. I know this is a scary time for you right now, and everything is new, and you are worried about being left to your own devices. You are sad about not seeing your children, and as a mum, I know that must be dreadfully hard. But what would happen if instead of dreading the isolation, you embraced this as a retreat from the pressures of modern life? A time, not where you are forced to be away from your kids, but one where you are taking time out to heal. Not forever, but just for three short weeks. Perhaps that seems unrealistic right now, so punctuate it every day with some human contact, plan free activities for each day if you need to.
That could involve spending time working out what it is that you like to do, not what you are used to doing but what gives you some pleasure now?
If you are close to giving in and can't fill your time with contact from healthy people, perhaps fill your time with hard, tiring physical work: yard work etc. This will help you fall asleep and sleep well and accomplish something in return: a clean yard.
You say you are out in the countryside, just how isolated are you? can you go for a walk? can you walk to a neighbours house? Is there a local walking club you can join? can you walk to a nearby store? can you go looking for food (given that all the berries and fungi etc are out) so that you don't have to be hungry, can you plan for when you do see your boys, a harvest meal perhaps with things you find on a treasure hunt in your nearby locality, walk the route, plan activities for making things out of stuff you can find: there's a ton of craft stuff on the net for this kind of thing, as well as how to find food for free and cook gourmet meals with it.
Anyway, my point is, whatever you decide to do, it is in your control. Might well be very boring, but boring by itself won't kill you. You have internet access which opens a world of oportunities for information, entertainment, contact with others, on-line meetings......