You didn't "blow" anything Cath. Think of it as a blip, not a "blow". I truely think that we can talk ourselves into some sort of relapse simply by focusing on the negative too much and being too hard on ourselves.
You're having a bad time at the mo but it will pass and you are worthy of help. You are a good cause, please don't think too badly of yourself.
I've been following your posts and I think you're doing fabulously. It takes guts and courage to believe you're worthy of more. Ok, you're lonely but please think back to those bad times, really think back. You can't truely want to go back to that.
Being alone sometimes is scarely, lonely, sometimes boring. It is what you make it though, do you have hobbies? Do you like reading? Libraries are free and can cause hours upon hours of entertainment if you get the right books. How about getting stuck into the housework, not exactly entertainment but can be theraputic.
Hang on in there. You're wrong when you say you have no one to talk to too, you have so many peeps here who are willing and able to walk beside you when you go through all this crap, you can get through it and you're doing amazing so far, don't let little blips spoil your progress.
*hugs*