Dear Learn2Live,
Originally Posted by
Learn2Live 
I find it rather rude that you come here asking for our input and when Pelican and Hammer and Bernadette give it to you, you don't listen and you argue with them that they are wrong. What do you want, for us to tell you only what you want to hear?
Well as far as I understood Pelican talked about recovery from addiction experience so it does not fully apply to the issue, however I've read it, accepted and still have it in my mind for sure, because it's very interesting.
Bernadette tried to apply codependency rules to non codependent person. I've read it, accepted and clarified the things.
About Hammer question I have been thinking few hours. He really made me still thinking (as well as Bernadette a post later).
So, I find it rather rude you're trying to persuade I don't listen.
Are you trying to say you know better than me about me ? Isn't that called codependency ?
This is a discussion and both sides' arguments are the main part of it, aren't they ?
But why you release your anger on me ? If the thread makes you angry, just don't read it- it's not a must.
Originally Posted by
Learn2Live I don't think you are here, because you are simply trying to help someone.
Yes, you're right. I do know pretty well I can't help her. And I am *not* looking for help for her. She's the best person to help herself with therapy.
Originally Posted by
Learn2Live In my opinion, You just haven't felt enough pain yet. When you do, and you surely will if you continue to try to keep this person in your life, you will come back here for help and then you will see what folks are trying to reveal to you about YOURSELF.
That is your opinion. I've read it and accepted. Everybody has its rights to have opinions, wrong or right.
Originally Posted by
Learn2Live I find that you have a "Holier Than Thou" attitude toward this girl and you are trying to make yourself feel better about YOU. You look at this girl and see she is someone you want to have in your life because you get some self-satisfaction from her. But you don't understand why she is behaving this way:
How can this drug addict not see how great we are and actually want to be with us instead of dumping us? We can't admit that they hurt our egos.
This is totally wrong presumption in that case. I did some consultation with therapist. I have a very strong personality so I don't need anybody to make me feel better. I do have influence on my own feelings only and no one else.
She's great human being, the best I have known up to date and that is why she's important to me, not because of her problems which I can't even name (she always cleverly isolated her problems and her therapy from me and all tough times I talked about *were not* related to codependency). Her problems are her problems, she needs to solve them on her own.
Originally Posted by
Learn2Live And, Look at this drug addict! They have so many problems, we want to "help" them so that they will be grateful and loving toward us again. We can't admit that their behavior has such an effect on how we feel about ourselves.
You're trying to find codependency where it does not apply. The same schema does not always fit every case. See above.
I state that again: I am not here to help her, so your presumption is not true from the beginning.
Originally Posted by
Learn2Live You came here for help, didn't you?
But I don't ask for help I would rather call it a 'how to support'. I am just trying to find the best way how to be supportive but not disturbing.
If you're all saying the best support is no support, be sure I will take it into consideration. That will also require a time to think.
But I'm sure a discussion is just better than no discussion. Maybe somebody finds something useful in it some day.
S.