Originally Posted by
Bernadette 
It is pretty much impossible for any relationship to have problems that are 100% one person's fault. Because it is a "relationship."
If a "relationship" has a problem then each person needs to accept 100% of 50% of the problem....you follow me?
So you ask what a codependent person is expecting from a very close friend in such a situation? Depends on the person! That's an individualized thing. Some people like lots of communication and encouragement and attention - some people like to be left alone with their struggles and encouraged from a distance by letters or email etc. I mean the label "codependent" is just one way of identifying and clustering behaviors in people who are often caught up in relationships with addicts. It does not define an entire person or group of people.
a. ask her specifically what she wants from you - and believe her answer.
b. work on yourself and your problems since you cannot actually ever fix another person's problems.
c. decide for yourself how much of your mental energy you want to devote to this person, what are you getting out of it?
That's something. Thanks. It seems I just need to search my own feelings and take her personality into account.
However I am not looking for who's failed nor where's the fault- a step back. I am looking for a solution- a step ahead. Anyway you make me think. Thanks again.
Originally Posted by
Bernadette I find it interesting that you think you have NO problems! I just find that astounding and interesting and very revealing!
Well, first of all I don't look for problems trying to find where they're not existent (some people tend to do that...). I am very optimistic person and all the problems I have influence on seem to me solvable. There are usually different ways and workarounds to defeat them so I don't even consider most of problems as problems actually. When I face a problem- I can see at least few solutions from scratch and I am trying to focus just on solutions not on problems themselves.
I am healthy, smiling person- who wants more ?
But now I faced a problem I realized I had no influence on. That's why I'm here and trying to find the way.