Hi and Welcome,
We do understand addiction and that it's very hard to stop. And, yeah, we are never cured, but we can and do recover. There is hope.
Addiction is not a character defect, it's a disease. The way we feel about ourselves when we are caught up in active addiction is horrible. And, that helps to continue the downward spiral.
As you look around here, you will find that lots of people have been where you are, and have recovered. You can do this!