Iwanttoheal

But you felt good that someone else could see it, you felt validated. That good feeling is still somewhere underneath all the cr*p that we heap on top of it.

For so long, I believed the conditioning that I received as a child. I believed that it wasn't that bad, that actually we had it quite good, that there were so many people worse off than us, that my mother and father loved and cared for us.

When I got to the age to challenge my parents and ask if I had it sooooo good why did I feel soooo bad? I was then further conditioned - I was told and subsequently believed that I was over-sensitive and not very strong emotionally if I couldn't endure this "good" life. I had guilt-trips laid on me by my mother "You were only a child, what do you think my life was like?".

My childhood left me feeling weak, pathetic, ungrateful, disloyal, guilty, responsible, unworthy, unimportant, not deserving of better, unloved, uncared for and NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Yip, as an ACOA, our parents sure do a number on us. My AF is now dead. My codie mother, a bit like your man in AA, can't accept responsibility for her part in the damage that my brother and I suffered. She has never once said, I'm sorry, we could have done so much better as parents. In her mind, there is nothing wrong with the parenting she and my dad provided and she still thinks of herself as a victim because now her ungrateful children won't step up to the mark and look after her and her house leaving her free to organise her holidays and her social life - poor her.

Oops this has turned into (yet) another rant. All I meant to post to say was it is good that you felt validated and I hope you touch that feeling again, IWTHxxx