Debs,
I feel your pain. Asking someone to be my sponsor or as I was calling it "my new BFF" was very difficult for me.
I also had ( or have: I am working on it) a perfectionism problem. So I was stuck. If I didn't have a Sponsor, I was not doing AA correctly. If I wasn't doing AA correctly then why bother to go at all?
Well, I liked the way I felt after a meeting and then I would beat myself up for doing doing it "right" and feel like crud. Horrible cycle!
By going to meetings this is what I learned because at the time I wasn't really talking but I was listening:
1. Just keep coming.
2. It is progress not perfection.
3. Join a group and get active with the group and they will show you the way.
So I joined a group and became quietly active. Got there early and helped set up. Stayed a little later and put away the banners. The people in my group started talking to me because I was THERE. Then as we spoke, I got to know them, as I got to know them they guided me to where I needed to be. I found a sponsor through my group, I found the steps through my group, I found a new type of social life through my group....I could go on and on.
It took the anxiety out of the whole sponsor thing.
Recovery is a journey and journeys take time. Sometimes we even get a little lost but if we stop and ask directions someone will point us back in the right direction!
Peace!
AuntieAuntie