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Old 09-17-2009, 09:42 AM
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987Seek
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: midland texas
Posts: 3
Please ADVICE - INPUT

Going to try to make this as short as possible. I have been friends w/an alcoholic for years, have not lived in the same town until the last 1-1/2. He is a sweet loving person not ill mannered..just a bad alcoholic and I have just been at my witts end the last few weeks. I guess he is more a boyfriend now than a friend. He basically does NOT funucation and his life is a mess. He knows few people in town, has some family that I am/was very close to but have washed their hands of him or he has them...I pretty much stop seeing him or started avoiding w/o saying all together, kept the lines of communication open but limited because I was tired of it. He just wasn't getting better and told him he could let me know when he needed help and I'd always love him but had to take care of myself. He finally called for help and think he is serious or thinks he his certainly would like to be. He has no job/insurance. I took him to ER stayed w/him until the family could get there and then they took him to detox center They seem to think he is their star patient because he wants to be there, he is also very loving, clean cut and sensitive which I am sure helps. But this is also a controlled environment so time will tell. I don't know how long they will keep him; since he does not have insurance I do not know what will happen to him next althought he needs some in house Long term treatment. I know there are places here that can take them for 30 days -if they have space. I know it is going to be hard for him to be sucessful if he does not have more than detox or a program. His family in town - love him but don't know that they will to go the extra mile or if they are even getting invovled with care but I would like them to as I would like to see him beat this and be given a fair chance w/support. The family here drinks often and living w/them is probable not the best but he can NOT live w/me. If he goes back to the same town w/parents and friends there is little if any work there and for the intial enviroment it might not be good either. I am tired, don't want the responsiblity and don't know if I am even able to help. It could be that I hurt him more than help him. I am hoping they will step up and take over. I have no idea what the process is when they are released from Detox or if he just calls for someone to pick him up. I have plans to be out of town and glad that I do - so he has to call his family. They will do it but hope they don't take him back to an apartment w/o electric....no job...no food...no money. However, they take him to their house - beer every day. I really think to them - he needs to learn to live w/it. This is true but seems it wouldn't be health off the bat. I do not want him to feel I am not supportive or have abandon him. I know he loves me a great deal as I do him. I want him to succeed and I want to do what is best for him. He really trusts me. I am likely an enabler but have tried/trying to be sure I am not doing that by allowing him pick up this mess. I finally just put my foot down. I don't have the answers to any of these questions. Do I visit him in detox or not, call or no call, card or no card? The center told me it was perfectly fine because he is doing well in there. It is my understanding he will move to a 30 day treatment center after this detox period....Any advice is welcome at this point. What happens there? He has a long road ahead of him, he is not in trouble w/the law but has no money, no job. I am not looking to help in those areas. I have made it clear that if things do not change, he does not do the full package deal then that is his choice he is making as the ones he has made. For me, I too will make a choice to not relive the last few months. I just don't want him to feel that I no longer care when I have asked over and over for him to get help. I do want what is best for his recovery process and do want him to stand on his own 2 feet. I know he hates this life and wants to clean up. I don't know that he will; he probable doesn't know at this point from day to day. I think he is serious but time will tell. So, My real question from here is how do I show support w/o getting more involved or taking ownership of the problem? What is heathier for him to recover. I dont' care what it takes. with or without me. It is such a sad thing; I get mad at the burden and sad because I know he is hurting.
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