queenie88

this is SO TRUE for me!!! I think I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even know how to live MY life any more. I keep thinking about xabf and all the things that he’s doing (that I either find out from him or through facebook) and I can’t help but be jealous (there it goes again…told you I had a problem with it!) He’s off living his life without a care as it seems, unfettered by any guilt or sadness or shame or regret, while I just spent yesterday crying. He’s going to concerts and shows with friends, his sister’s wedding, trips here and there. By deciding to give up everything in my life and move thousands of miles to live with him I made the choice right then and there to live my life through him, and I’m still doing that by not being able to let go and distance myself, cut all ties, go no contact. I just miss him SO MUCH and sometimes I think I want that life again. Seems like so much fun from the outside, I’m forgetting all the bad things or at least I’m trying to minimize them in my head and think that maybe I just overreacted. After all, no one else seemed to have a problem with it but me! Was it me? Was I the crazy, jealous possessive person he made me out to be? After all, he’s just living his life and having fun, right?

TC hang in there…and I’ll try to hang in there too. We can get through this.