I posted the comment below in another thread, but I guess it is also appropriate for here.
I have spent years having the following thoughts,
"one day I will"....",
"If this happens"....,
"When I have".....,
"If only I was".....,
"If only he would".....,
and other's that were dependant on future changes, that would make me happy THEN.
It took a heart attack this March, to get thru to me that I may not have a THEN or a future in which to wait for this happiness, contentment etc.
I have worked and am still working on being content, grateful and happy NOW, this minute, today. Not hoping for tomorrow to whisk me off into some magic Happy Land.
I did feel sad, angry, bitter and annoyed for having wasted so many of my nearly 65 years of YESTERDAYS, on wishes and hopes for happiness and fulfillment, dependant on some event that may or may not happen sometime, somewhere, whatever.
Then I realised that looking back this way was futile and was taking up time I had NOW to enjoy my life and be at peace with myself.
I wanted to live in an old style country house, on a few acres out of town, and having lovely flower and vegie gardens.
I am in a pensioner unit, in town and have a small back yard. BUT I have a beautiful little flower area at my front door, and grow luttuces, silverbeet, leeks, herbs, passionfruit, and a huge tomato bush with 68 big fruit on it.
I have accepted that this is where I am and need to be, and while I am hanging pictures on the walls, putting up new curtains, or what ever I do, I thank God for having this place to call home.
I hope I am becoming more like my mother, as she is happy and content with her life each day. She lost her central vision 25 years ago, could no longer read so learned to paint. She has lost all her old friends and family, but has their children still visit her, and has made new friends along the way.
She is my strength and inspiration at nearly 98 years young.
I learn from my past, live my present, trust in God and let tomorrow unfold as it will.
God bless