innerpeace,
Welcome to SR! Take a deep breath. This is a good place to begin your learning journey.
I'm sure there is much about this man that is good, because there is much about most people that is good.
But re-read your first post to us.
Pretend it was written by a woman whom you love dearly, more than life itself, like a daughter or a sister.
Would you hear that story and tell that person that, yes, she should accept that behavior and be in that kind of relationship?
Really think about it.
Counseling, Al-Anon, SR, and lots of reading helped me to get the COMPLETE picture of my life with an addict, and let me make the right decisions for ME, not for him. It let me step back and say, yes, I love him, but is he good for my life? Is this all I deserve...this abuse, lies, threats, dangerous behavior, and complete destruction of my peace of mind, and everything I've worked so hard for?
These are questions you will answer for yourself, in time. Your answers won't be like anyone else's...I only hope you will listen with an open mind to the help that is offered.
As for "not wanting another failed marriage"........I wish you would rethink that. You are talking about choosing between 1) saving your own life, and admitting that perhaps you made a mistake in marrying him (big deal!) and 2) being so stuck on this "failure" thing that you stay in a situation that could kill you, or at the very least give you many miserable years of being beaten down into the mud by this man and his addiction.
There is no shame in protecting yourself - based on new knowledge you didn't have when you decided to marry. NO SHAME AT ALL.
Glad you're here with us. As you've probably already noticed, there is a ton of experience, strength and hope here that you can draw on to make your own choices.
I can tell you this for sure: Life shouldn't be this hard
