Originally Posted by
ElizabethFord 
Tyler, I am confused about the thin line between tough love and enabling, please elaborate. they seem like complete opposites to me so how can they be so close?
How did you experience them both? Is that really you surfing in your picture???? That's AWESOME if it is.
That is me surfing...in my dreams!!! I'm east coast, ride a bit of long board, but rarely anything over 4-5 feet. Lately I've been riding the boogie board more than the long board, as the waves have been pretty weak all summer (except for a couple of off shore tropical storms, both of which I was out of town!!)
Perhaps "thin line" was a poor choice of words. I guess what I meant is you don't want to be so "tough" you push someone away, but you also don't want to be so "soft" you enable them. Over my using years I had several people try the "tough love" approach with me, and I reacted like a rebelious teenager pushing them away and showing them "how bad I could really be". Not exactly the most effective solution to my problem. On the other side, I had my wife and family who loved me very much, probably too much, and I used it too keep on using.
I think someone already mentioned there is really nothing you can do with someone who is not ready to be helped. I wasn't ready for a long time, until I pretty much destroyed all that was dear to me. Perhaps if I had been "helped" in a manner somewhere between the two approaches, I would have "come around"' sooner, but perhaps not.
While I'm personally not a big "god" person, I believe we all have a path to follow in our lives. Everything that happens on that journey is what makes us who we are, and we are who we are supposed to be. Not sure if that clears anything up or just muddies the waters further.
BTW, welcome to SR, I hope you find it as helpful to your journey as it has been to mine. Take care.