A great question, and I'm sure others will have an answer. I don't have any experience with tough love but probably should have learned about it. I lost my husband many years ago to alcoholism, partly because I was such a good little enabler & didn't know anything about the disease. I thought I was being kind by making excuses & covering up for him. So, if nothing else has worked, maybe your wife's tactics are in order. I'm so glad you're in recovery - hoping your brother can be saved. Let us know how you're doing.