GiveLove, you have an amazing way with words and we are lucky to have you on this board, thank you.
Originally Posted by
GiveLove 
Many of these people are in deep denial, and many are untreated ACOA who haven't yet realized why they are in the patterns they're in. So many members try to walk that incredibly fine line between saying nothing at all, and being supportive in a way that will punch through the denial.
Denial is an amazingly powerful force.
I can think of two instances where I have been in major denial in my life. The first is when my husband was having an affair. All the signs were right in front of my nose and I was refusing to accept them. It took a good friend who I trusted to punch through my denial on that occasion.
The second was when the counsellor I was seeing when I was seperated from my husband put it to me that I was an abused child. Again all the signs were there but at that point all I would admit was that maybe my childhood hadn't been as good as other peoples but hey, there were so many people out there who had it worse. My codie mother had done a really good mind job on me. The truth - on the known abuse scale, I reckon I probably come in the top half, maybe even as high as the lower end of the top third.
On this occasion, the counsellor didn't punch through the denial but she made a crack. It took eleven more years of emotional abuse from my codie mother and now alcoholic brother plus a steep escalation of that abuse in the last three months for that crack to bust wide open and for me to finally accept that abuse was taking place.
So I do "get" denial. I do understand where these people are. I guess my message to them would be, let it all in, yes it is extremely painful but there is a whole new better world on the other side.
Originally Posted by
GiveLove
Glad you're allowing yourself to get angry.
Part of the whole new better world is being able to experience truthful feelings again and that is good.
IWTHxxx