Originally Posted by
dothi 
Denial is such a big theme with parents. They just don't realize that as long as the addict is allowed to do as they please in the house, that the children are not free. They are not free to speak up. They are not free to express their feelings. And if you're a codie parent who is "trapped" because of the addict, then your children are not free to talk to you about it. They can see with their own eyes after all this time just how much you (the codie parent) has actually done about it.
Thanks dothi (((hugs)))
I find it unbelievable, at times. This denial has caused me to deny a lot of my feelings (stuff my feelings, I think you Americans say) for 44 years!!! - 44 years, h*ll's teeth, how did I manage to keep it in that long?
Looking at it another way - it took 44 years for me to be strong enough to able to let these feelings (and some supressed memories) to come to the surface. That's
a lot of damage.
These buried feelings have taken such a toll in my adult life - I have experienced severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks, problems with anorexia and binge eating but my mother (who I always listened to and believed) always put it down to my inability to handle stress. Eventually, the doctors stopped putting it down as "reactive" and started digging deeper but I never really let them in until I got to the point that I was running scared for my life.
I always felt there was no anger in me, I honestly believed that I was one of those people who just didn't have an angry bone in her body - bullsh*t. Oh, am I angry, how dare my Mum and Dad (and now my brother) do this to me, I didn't / don't deserve this, I was / am worth so much more.
To end on a positive note - a long hour and a half walk with a good friend this evening has burnt off a lot of the anger - I can thoroughly recommend it.
Take care all, IWTHxxx