Welcome to SR. This place is very important to me as the mother of an addict. When you say you are trying to be stoic, as if your son can't hurt you - well of course our addicts can and do hurt us. It's OK to be human; Gotta allow ourselves to feel. But i think the point at which I was able to not feel so completely defeated, devastated, panicky, depressed, and so on every day, was when I really got with the following:
1) Nothing I did or did not do made a bit of difference. I really was powerless over my addict daughter. All my manipulation, tears, anger, trying to control events, trying to force consequences, and so on did not change anything. She continued to use.
2) I was so tired of being in pain and fear about all of it. I wanted my life back.
3) I decided to believe that God is a power greater than me, greater than my daughter, and greater than the disease of addiction. He is also loving & caring.
So if I am truly powerless, and if I am truly tired of the unmanageablity and the suffering, then I can truly surrender (one day at a time) to this really loving and caring God.
So then it got much easier. But I still have scary feelings and thoughts at times. Difference is that now I quickly remind myself that this is God's battle, not mine. Also, I need to talk about this stuff here, especially when something new happens. It really helps to know that other people 'get it' and that they also can get thru it.