Bonnie, I'm glad your visit went okay and that you were able to stand back a bit and let him make his decisions. I know it is terribly disappointing and I understand your anger...I'm sure he is shamed and beating himself up enough for everyone, so it's probably a relief to know that you and Kim can focus on taking care of yourselves and supporting each other and your husband. Chris knows he is loved and is probably relieved that you are not relapsing with him. When Kristen was struggling and I was attending Naranon, she told me that one thing that helped her feel better was knowing that I was getting help. The guilt and shame she felt about the hurt she saw in family members and loved ones was really strong...Knowing I was working my own recovery helped her to focus where she needed to as well.
Lots of hugs and more prayers for all of you. Now is the time to be especially gentle with yourself, okay?