kshisme, I've always said that Actions speak louder than words. In time you will be able to tell if your step son is serious about recovery.
And I can add several more personalities to your list, the enabler, the control freak, the Mom (God help me) the sick at heart. (those are just a few of my personalities) You are Not alone, we are here to walk this walk with you.
In the meantime, your step-son is safe. Go with this thought as you & your H enjoy your anniversary. Keep your thoughts only on you & your H.
Sending your hugs & prayers,
Chris