bluebella

HELLO to all - i am newbie here
i have been reading and searching the web for answers...and i did get a referal saying this site was awsome- so i turn to you guys for help-
my story is very similar to many- will give you a bit of background-summarized

i met a man of my dreams 2 years ago-showered me with attention, dinners, sweet calls, flowers- i truely fell hard...

he itroducted me quickly to his family who were amazing- traditional loving family-

not a day would go by without calls of love and attention- messages filled my work cell and home machines- on how he was so growing to care about me...

i met his friends and aquantences who very mildly mention ' oh he loves to party' ' oh he parties hard' big deal i thought- a drink- or two loves people no biggie

well things started to get a bit strange into about month 4 or so- i would call him and he wouldnt answer- not answer for 6-7 hrs- and after many attempts i would call to find his phone shut right off- he would call back with very believable excuses- i believed

he could nt really hold a job- he would work here and there- nothing permanent....i thought fine its not easy to get a job- so i believed

i have no experience with drug addiction - a cig is the only thing i have tried and like my wine on weekends...

strange little things- he would sleep alot during the day- and i couldnt reach him in the evenings- he would tell me excuses i believed

into about month 7 or so- he literally wasnt reachable for 3 days- i didnt sleep eat or do much other than worry i was mortified! i thought he was dead- i didnt know what to do and i didnt want to alarm his parents but i called them- they seemed to be concerned yet not in the way i was! not panicking- they just told me they would call if they heard anything!

well after day 3 he called- very tired and wouldnt talk much- all i cared was that he was alive- i cried and said we would talk the next day! that never happend......................

things got better for a few weeks and then started more frequent -missings and no calls and no answers on his phone...... he continued to lie and though myy suspicions aroused- i still believed him- i paid for his bills that he was behind with, bought food and bailed his truck many times out of the pound- i cared for him- thats waht people do- i didnt know about enabling or what it meant

i finally flat out asked if he was abusing? he denied and said he use to- and not to worry-

more lies more missing more deceit but he continued to shower me with this alluring pull that kept me in-

i contineud to llove him and help him in anyway i could- ---

out of the blue he sprung on me that he was embarassed to say but wwas going to jail for 4 months and had many DUI -S - he faught the court and got it down to 4 months of only weekends- which helped him to somewwhat work still through the week- i was mortified! jail ws soemthing i wasnt familiar with either- he went and i cont'd to support him- i missed him and didnt see much of him with this new schedule- he would go in friday and be out monday and off to work and i sware i think this boundary type of living with jail and basically work-thats it- seemed to put him on a better path- he was not using- or i thought he wasnt

well the last weekend approached- of jail time i was so thrilled i thought this would have smartend him up and we could start a fresh new path together- that weekend was his last and the monday of final release he called me- we chatted- laughing and joking and planning to see one anther.. he seemed a bit off- a bit high i might say?- he said babe call u back in 5 and 14 wks later!!!!!!!!!!!!! here i am

you ask probably why didnt u call- well in my heart i just knew! this time was different
HE WAS THE ONE TO ALWAYS CALL- i would be livid and ignore and not take calls when he was out on a binge and would return so remmorselful yet he would pull me right back in with his sweet talking......... this time he hasnt called! HOW COULD HE DO THIS- he literally shut me off like a switch and threw me out like garbage! the man who promised and wanted a life! together literally poof! leavess me heartbroken not even a good bye not even a text!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

another thing to point out - no he isnt missing as in missing- he isnt in jail he isnt in the hospital! - i would have known this if that were the case... his one neighbor called me 6 weeks ago saying 'we miss u so much- hope to hear from you' they would be the ones to tell me he was in jail etc... they did that beofore when he got jumped!

i am in my thirtys i am not a young kid- but i was naiive and he hurt me like no one has.....

please anyone -solidify what iam thinking- HE LEFT ME FOR CRACK? is that the summary here... left me for someone who is lighting his pipe someone who isnt hounding him about getting help? uggggggg

sad
bluebella