As an adult child of alcoholics, and one whose God doesn't look like most peoples' God, one of the hardest things is to let go and trust that you will fall into the right place. Just as you had a hard time with "made a decision," Cats, I would always to "turn our will and our lives over to...." and I run screaming into the night
No, no, no, no, no - the only one I can trust is ME. No one else can be trusted.
But even with my different spiritual beliefs, I eventually came to a place where I was willing to let go, if only to rest. I was exhausted from years of trying to control uncontrollable people and situations, and so it was like an addict giving in to the peace of their DOC.....I just let go one day out of sheer exhaustion from resisting. I prayed that the forces of good would take tender care of me, and put my terror and control down for a long nap.
And...it was okay. I was surprised to realize that I didn't die, I didn't turn into a monster, life didn't get worse, it just got...different. I practiced it in small bites - letting the Powers That Be, or the Creator, or God, or Gaia, or Fate decide how a certain situation should go, and trusting that whatever the outcome was, there were still a hundred million other ways for me to be happy in my life. Lots of practice, and I can now do it about 90% of the time: just take a deep breath, look something fearful in the face, and say, "Whatever happens, I will be fine."
I would NOT be fine if I were still scratching and scrambling trying to control an alcoholic single-handedly. I would be sad and angry and desperate, and it wouldn't change their choices or their behavior one bit.
Like you say, Cath - I didn't give anything away, but I got so much in return.