Originally Posted by greeteachday

I think there is a difference between "help" "support" "enabling" and just being a loving friend or partner. Does a part of you think he needs to be "punished" for being an addict and causing others pain, and it really is not fear of enabling his continued use, it is a desire to make him see the error of his ways?

Not at all. He's an addict. It is what it is and his behaviors came from that of an addict. I work in the field, not an addict myself, but I know that he is punished in his own way. I don't need to compund that.

I found the best way to figure out my best course of action was to examine my motives. Why did I want to do, or not do, a particular action? Was I motivated by a sense of love or a positive feeling, or was I filled with anger, resentment or the need to control my addict? That little shift in perspective from the addicted loved one to me, really helped me figure out my part in things and to keep focused on my recovery. Doing that helped me make choices on what worked for me and made me comfortable. It allowed me to show support with sincerity and to do certain things simply as an act of love, not a means of control.