Thread: Mom of 2 little ones and Wife of a alcoholic - Need advice.
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Old 09-06-2009, 10:16 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
dothi
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
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Originally Posted by CAAW View Post
He also thinks that since he is "funcitonal" meaning: he gets up, goes to work, has a house, and takes care of the "basics" he is fine. He says his dad does the same thing and he has a good job, nice house, boat...So he says it isn't that big of a deal.
I'm also going to speak as an ACOA. That reminds me of my AF - didn't listen to what you had to say either. His feelings had the highest priority in the house. He figured if he was happy, then everyone else should be happy. If not, it was your problem.

Originally Posted by Iwanttoheal
Never underestimate the damage that living in an alcoholic home can do to children. It is the behaviour of the alcoholic and the behaviour of the person who lives with the alcoholic that does the damage. It is a 50:50 responsibility. You have responsibility towards your children, please accept that responsibility.
Seconding this. I say this as an ACoA who no longer talks to her AF and is considering going no-contact with her codie mother (currently we speak twice a month on the phone). What's the point? His behavior doesn't change. Neither does hers. She still complains about living with him, and then makes excuses for staying. Since she doesn't do anything to change it, I can only presume this is the life she's happy with. I am considering cutting her from my life for a while because it's too pointless for me to feel how hard my heart gets when I talk to her, and am reminded of how much more important it is to her to have my father in her life instead of me (god forbid she make the effort to spend any time with me, because she's too "afraid" to say to AF, I want to visit dothi today). That's just my two cents.

It's not only your relationship with your husband on the line here. Your children will grow up.
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